If I Won Powerball

Over the summers in high school, my mom and I would sit on the beach and spend our imaginary Powerball money. It was one of my favorite things to do on vacation. We'd decide which car each of us would get (Biz got a VW Beetle in this scenario, and I got a VW Cabriolet. Then we'd wise up and dream bigger). So on the eve of a one-point-five BILLION DOLLAR Powerball jackpot, Dan and I played the game ourselves.

"Obviously we would get Scott a Studebaker," I said. "And Mom would get some kind of fancy BMW."

"Your Mom has already owned a BMW," Dan replied. "Come on."

"An Aston Martin?"

"A Bentley!"

(Personally, I would get myself a Tesla).

"Basically, no one in either of our families would ever work again," Dan said.

"We'd quit our jobs immediately, right??

"Immediately."

Imagine all the frivolous shit you could do with a billion (and a half!) dollars. Where would we live? Where wouldn't we live?! I guess we'd start some sort of Zuckerbergian charitable LLC and start developing political muscle to force important humanitarian change, but besides that boring stuff...

Initial things to do in an immediate frenzy:

• Commission a personal performance of Hamilton and invite everyone I know
• Buy aforementioned Tesla
• Gather my family around a copy of the Robb Report and have them each tear out a couple of pages; pay someone to obtain everything on each page
• Hire a personal trainer away from the Avengers cast
• Barneys shopping spree, duh
• Charter a plane to Cape Town and bring all my friends and family on a glamping safari
• Buy houses for everyone in the family, pay off debt, etc.
• Fund a Stop Donald Trump PAC, should it come to that

I just realized that Dan and I are both in Powerball pools, so we're not going to win the whole jackpot. But even then, the Tesla thing is still totally doable!