Momentous Occasion

This hasn't happened since like... 2002?

Also... I don't think my haircut photographs very well.

Nooooooooooooooo

I was so close to supporting him... and then this.


Obama is painting himself a TAR HEEL FAN?

Well... he's scrimmaging against them...

...right?

Mo' Money, Less Problems, Let's Get Real Here

I was on the subway this morning, sitting next to a goth dude as we creaked along the world's slowest Q train. I mention the goth dude because he was watching something on his iPhone or iTouch or whatever and really enjoying it. I craned my neck and saw that it was Bee Movie. I guess the goth thing's just a look.

Whenever I see an iPhone I start salivating with gadget envy. I'm sure you feel the same, unless you own an iPhone and are the object of my drool. So seeing this iPhone set me off on a bit of a reverie, imagining all the shit I'd do if I were filthy rich. I'd eat at Pearl Oyster Bar twice a week (visit #1, on Mondays, I'd get a dozen oysters and a small green salad with maybe half a steamed fish--Mondays are the thin day--and Wednesdays I'd order the lobster roll and six fried oysters over tartar sauce and/or the salt-crusted shrimp. Wednesdays are for fattitude), become a technological early adopter (iPhone!) and take long vacations to exotic locales with an English-speaking guide. I'd move to an apartment with a gas stove. Ooh, and a closet.

It was around the gas stove thought that I realized, were I to suddenly win the Wisconsin Powerball, I wouldn't change my life that much. I like my job. I like having a roommate (particularly when she makes Guiness Milk Chocolate Ice Cream and owns a shower squeegee). Dan is a boyfriend of Bergdorf caliber, were you able to purchase boyfriends in stores. I already have an extensive cadre of kitchen gadgets and have no real desire to suddenly start buying bottle service at... um, whatever club is the shit right now, with LaLohan all allegedly sober it's kind of hard to tell, and I'd even still shop at Beacon's. I'd probably stop buying jewelry at Forever 21, though. I'd get Scott a Studebaker, Mom a wildlife refuge to run with Biz, and Matt a fund for his inevitable successful business venture that I would be a partner in (compounded $$!!). But overall, we're just looking at a few upgrades; the base product'd be the same.

So that was kind of a nice thought to start the day.

Unprecedented Levels Of Cuteness In The Wild/Our Backyard

Mom and Biz are in Mexico this week, so Scotty has been doing some nature photography around the homestead. He found inspiration in the woods behind our house.




Yes, those are baby foxes.

BABY FOXES? Not right. Not right.

Twitter

So there are a lot of weird Internet applications out there, things that not only my theoretical grandparents would dismiss as new-fangled and silly, but things that I, myself, just don't get. One of these is Twitter. As its twee name suggests, Twitter is a way for you to titter to people about your daily minutiae. Allegedly, you can send people jillions of electronic messages a day: Getting coffee! Browsing gossip blogs! Getting on L train! Taking a poop! But surely, I thought, this cannot be right. People had a shitstorm over the Facebook news feed; there is no way people would sign up for this News Feed On Roids. But, apparently, I was right. This cute video tells you more:


Twitter in Plain English from leelefever on Vimeo.

I find Flat Stanley-esque videos relentlessly charming, but even after all that... I will never, ever do this.

DC

So last weekend the KP girls and I crawled to DC (6 hours on a Greyhound! Next time I'm taking a plane) to visit the glorious J. J. lives in a giant apartment with an imaginary roommate who brings over furnishings and teapots but never actually shows her face.

Last time I visited we toured monuments etc., but this time we felt up enough on our civics to daydrink instead. It was a rather gorgeous day.







We rediscovered our love for the great game 7-11 Doubles, which is also the preferred sport of Satan.




I love our capital. Thanks, J!

Hipster Transformation: Complete

So I went to DC this past weekend and had a great time, blah blah blah, whatevs I'll put up some pictures and witty remarks later. This is a much bigger deal.

I got a haircut.

If you've seen me in the past year, you know that I've had very, very long hair that I've bitched about to no end. Actually, I didn't bitch that much. Out loud. Trust me, though, I was annoyed. But the thing is, I have very strong, straight, healthy hair (see how I'm honest about liking some of my physical attributes? I am very emotionally stable), so it's not like it was breaking off or frizzing out or doing something active that required a cut. I just didn't like that it took so long to brush out after showering. It was passive-aggressive hair.

So I went to this place called Hair Metal around the corner from Dan's, where Iron Maiden blasts most days and there are often painfully hip-looking people just lounging around, and asked Kristi to fuck it up. I've been spending the last hour or two deciding whether I love it or hate it--I definitely look stylish, but I'm not positive I look good. It's very different.



I think... that I love it, actually. I also might have to buy a motorcycle jacket. I see a Beacon's run in my future.

FINALLY

The 18-month countdown is over; the Pennsylvania primary is here!



And I am so very very sick of hearing about it!

Mindy!

You all know that Mindy Kaling is my favorite. I just want to congratulate her for being featured in "A Night Out With..." and actually coming across as cool, which rarely happens!

She's here pictured with her adorable boyfriend, who wrote a book about nerds. Of course. She's helping him pick out jeans.

Go Mindy!

Popes, Cats

Amazing.

She's ONE

Gracie turned had her first birthday, painfully cute as always. It went something like this:


Hot Mama: Grace, it's your birthday! This is so exciting!

Grace: Whatevs. If it's so important to you, I guess I'll play along.


Grace: Check it out. Yeeeeeeah I can pull out the cuteness like a non-baby-proofed electrical plug. Oh, snap--refined sugar.




Eleanor: Grace, you can't even walk. How can I trust you to open your own presents? Also, I'm glad you've been paying attention to my Lessons In Cuteness. Grown-ups are suckers for that stuff.

Grace: Sensei, you have taught me well. Except...


Grace: You say I can't walk? SUCK IT, GRAVITY.

Happy birthday baby!

Juggernaut Averageness: So Very True

I haaaaaaate Evites. Virginia Hefferan is The Woman for taking on this noble cause.

OMFG

This ad?


BRILLIANT.

Current Obsessions

1. Gnarls Barkley.



I actually PURCHASED the album, rather than engaging in white person hobby #93 (oh. I'm told there are actually people my age who have not heard of this blog, so... #93 is music piracy, you Luddite losers). This is a big deal, because I am very cheap and just had to pay $367 in New York state taxes because the retards at NBC Universal's payroll company gave my withheld income to the WRONG STATE and have been super-glacial about correcting this issue, but I STILL spent $8.99 on the Amazon download because I had to have every song, in order, without the fuzziness I get from my usual mildly-legal Acquisition downloads.

Next stop is seeing them live, because I have a feeling the energy of Cee-Lo and Danger Mouse is an infectious disease that's way fun to contract. Check out their performance on SNL last week*:



How badass is that? This is like the "Buddy Holly" video from Weezer circa 1998 but with a badass, Chiclet-toothed, one-decade-later edge; also, how does that voice and energy emit from a person standing essentially still?

I have a feeling Gnarls Barkley is going to show up on Stuff White People like real soon. They're even better than Mos Def.


*I way hope that Casey Wilson's paralyzed stripper becomes a regular.

2. Online shoe browsing.

Zappos, shoes.com, Amazon, revolveclothing, London Sole, eBay, Louboutin... but I never buy anything. It's kind of a waste of time, actually. I should stop. Ok. Obsession over.

3. Ireland.



Dan and I are going for a week in July. Obsession is still in mild stage: will increase vastly ~mid-May. Do you know how great it's going to be, posting a picture of us berry-picking in Dingle?

Er...

Did I just squeal a little?

I... I am so ashamed. And not that fake-ashamed you can safely broadcast because there isn't really anything unusual in an addiction to say, America's Next Top Model or a predilection towards Ring Dings. All I can say is, a lot of movies seem really awesome and emotional on an airplane.

And I'm going to have to find a 12-year-old to see this with.

MILF Island: It's Back

I swear I've heard of MILF Island before, but I guess not... look for it next fall!



(If you don't watch 30 Rock... you should really start. Now, for instance).

Yoga Pants

We have no dress code where I work; theoretically, I could show up in a bikini and everyone would be like, "...aren't you cold?"

To celebrate this, I wear yoga pants just about every day.

This morning, as I was crossing the street, a giant thug-dude came up to me and said, "You must do a lot of squats, right? SEXY!" Guy, we're in midtown. Come on.

Maaaaaaaaybe tomorrow I will wear jeans.

Double Double Toil and Bighead

I've seen Patrick Stewart on stage twice now and I can tell you that Jean-Luc Picard has a giant head. I'm sure he's very nice and humble in that British stage-actor "I interpret the human experience and am to be respected for my devotion to my craft" way (for some reason this is totally OK if the actor is British), but the size of his cranium is waaaay out of proportion to his torso.

Macbeth, in which he plays the title character, just moved to Broadway and I wanted to celebrate that by letting you know.

Also, if you ever see anything at BAM (where it was pre-Great White Way), doooon't sit in the gallery if you have vertigo. Had I been able to see more than the tops of the actors heads, they would have looked like this:




I had no idea Kate Fleetwood had such crazy cheekbones! I'm glad the Internet has enhanced my viewing experience.

Socialite of the Day: Topsy Taylor

She says her main vice is ice cream... I'm not so sure.

Marty Would Be Such A Good Laser Cat

April Fool's

So, the best April Fool's prank I pulled was senior year of college, when I fake-dumped my then-boyfriend. "I think we should break up," I said, barely suppressing my glee.

"But... wha..." he sputtered. I let him go on for a minute or so.

"April Fool's!"

...I'm a bitch.

So yesterday, as I was reading an April Fool's post at The French Laundry at Home, my lumberjack friend put out a message that a certain cult television show is returning to NBC in the fall. And not just any cult show: Arrested Development. I got SO EXCITED. Thoughts of April Fool's day flew out the window. I told everyone in the office, and they got excited, too. "How does he know?" they asked. "I haven't seen anything in the trades."

"He works in their promos department, and the upfront meetings are coming up, so they had to like, prepare stuff! Twelve episodes! They were apparently already writing a movie script!" I silently apologized to Jeff Zucker for calling him short and saying he wouldn't know a good show until it showed up on ABC. I came very close to blogging about it, perhaps sending a tip to Nikki Finke after, and becoming an Internet sensation.

Got a text message that night.

I'm such an idiot.



This, though, is totally for real.


Live From Congress: The Skull Fucking Bill Of 2007