Bridesmaids

Am I completely naive in thinking this has potential?

(Those are some luscious dresses, btw).

I mean... the tagline is good.

Black Swan

I told Dan I wanted to see Black Swan, an adaptation of Nassim Nicholas Taleb's The Black Swan: The Impact of the Improbable. My sweet husband was so excited to see how a screenwriter could turn this explanation of universal chaos and our own efforts to seek narrative in a random world into a coherent plot.

He soon discovered my deception.

GOTCHA! IT'S ABOUT DANCING!

So, I rather liked the movie, in the way I liked the last horror movie I saw (something about a Ouija board at Ashley Pina's house in seventh grade). I had no idea that the ballerina movie would be harder to watch than the one where the guy cuts off his own arm.

But Natalie Portman was good! At the end, when she finally dances the part of Odile (scary face paint swan), I felt the difference in her character's form and passion. She flew across the stage with her scary red eyes and rippling gooseflesh and, in the words of Vincent Cassel's egomaniacal ballet director, "let herself go."

"HOW MANY TIMES CAN HE SAY THAT?" Dan bellowed.

(The guy said it a lot).

To this, I replied, "but I want to be perfect!"

(Also a running theme).

In the end, I would recommend the movie, because occasionally screaming into your date's arm as a pretty girl rips off her own skin is fun.

But my favorite dance movie is still - obviously - Center Stage, a delightfully stinky hunk of 90s fromage. Its dedication to realism is such that in the final big number, Katie turned to me (obviously, we saw it in the theater) and whispered, "this... this has to be a dream sequence, right?"

The Globes Are Here!

Ahhhhh, the Globes. The Globes are my favorite awards. Why shouldn't they be? The ceremony is soaked in booze; the outfits are crazy; there is no award for Outstanding Achievement in Sound Mixing. But as always, a couple of the nominations are head scratchers. Let us parse some of the best.

Best Picture - Musical or Comedy

"Alice in Wonderland"

"Burlesque"

"The Kids are All Right"

"Red"

"The Tourist"

Possibly the best list of nominees ever. Tim Burton's "no seriously, this is the version I'm putting out and I dare you to say anything" Alice in Wonderland. Indie not-really-a-comedy The Kids Are All Right. Critically panned not-comedies Red and The Tourist. And BURLESQUE! Even Dennis thought Burlesque was hilariously bad. Burlesque would actually disappoint me if it were good: I don't want a movie starring Xtina and Cher to be anything more than glittery seamed stockings and barely justified musical numbers. A decent script would be gilding the lily on that one.

Tracy Jordan's nomination for Hard to Watch just made a lot more sense.

Best Picture - Drama

"Black Swan"

"The Fighter"

"Inception"

"The King's Speech"

"The Social Network"

I have to ask about The Fighter - is it just because Christian Bale is in it? I feel like if Christian Bale is in a movie, people automatically classify it as a Film. Especially if, as in The Fighter, he's emaciated with thinning hair.

Best Actor - Musical or Comedy

Johnny Depp, "Alice in Wonderland"

Johnny Depp, "The Tourist"

Paul Giamatti, "Barney's Version"

Jake Gyllenhaal, "Love and Other Drugs"

Kevin Spacey, "Casino Jack"

Johnny paleface vs. Johnny eyeliner vs. Jake Gyllenhaal's ass... nice work.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Drama

Julianna Margulies, "The Good Wife"

Elisabeth Moss, "Mad Men"

Piper Perabo, "Covert Affairs"

Katey Sagal, "Sons of Anarchy"

Kyra Sedgwick, "The Closer"

The lead girl from Coyote Ugly was just nominated for a major award. I just wanted to point that out. Anna Paquin is so pissed right now! She did so much ugly crying on True Blood this year, and it was all for naught.

I personally am a big Good Wife fan, but I'm rooting for Peggy on this one. But it doesn't matter, because Kyra Sedgwick will win. Voters fear the Bacon.

Best Television Series - Comedy

"30 Rock"

"The Big Bang Theory"

"The Big C"

"Glee"

"Modern Family"

"Nurse Jackie"

Tosh.0 is funnier than all of these.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Comedy

Toni Collette, "The United States of Tara"

Edie Falco, "Nurse Jackie"

Tina Fey, "30 Rock"

Laura Linney, "The Big C"

Lea Michele, "Glee"

This list actually makes me mad. ONE person on the list has made me laugh in the past year. ONE. Could the comedy category please recognize women who are actually funny? They exist. I promise. And I just realized Community got passed over entirely. Sigh.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television

Hayley Atwell, "Pillars of the Earth"

Claire Danes, "Temple Grandin"

Judi Dench, "Return to Cranford"

Romola Garai, "Emma"

Jennifer Love Hewitt, "The Client List"

Please, please, please, for the love of everything holy, let J. Lo. Hew. win a Golden Globe Award. Let her win a major award for her Lifetime Original Movie about a masseuse at the "Kind Touch" day spa who gives handies to support her family. The ads for this televisual treasure brightened my commute on a daily basis, and just knowing it existed made my day more than once. Please, HFPA, hear my prayer. I'll forgive you for considering Nurse Jackie a comedy. Thank you. Bless.

It's Almost Here It's Almost Here It's Almost Here

I go nuts every time I see a poster for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I, which means I go nuts every morning, because they're evvvverywhere.

Variety just gave it a great review, including this hilarious line:

Tasked with finding and destroying the remaining Horcruxes (accursed objects containing fragments of Voldemort's soul), the central trio must track elusive leads, decode arcane symbols and research unfamiliar names in the wizarding world, all rattled off so quickly at times that even those familiar with the text may be in need of a flow chart.

That's so cute the way they explained what Horcruxes are. There are still people who don't know this???? Also, Mr. Reviewer, I will not need a flow chart to keep track of the characters. I am an American, okay? Good grief.