Day 1
So we left the office a little after 8, 3 hours after we were supposed to have arrived. No matter. We had several bottles of vodka-Orangina, a rented Uplander minivan, and a treasure map to the only two sure-win slot machines at the MGM Grand (you must go before noon).
Arrive in Vegas at 12:30. Check in to our Deluxe rooms at the vaguely Chinese-themed Imperial Palace.
Challenge: Differentiate between the Standard and De-luxe accommodations. Justify your answer. Do not use the relative ugliness of the bedspreads and/or curtains.
Exhibit A:
Exhibit B:
The latter part of the challenge is tricky, no?
Wonder at the Imperial's "Dealertainers," who dress as Rod Stewart and Liza Minelli et al., to sweeten your mood as they take your chips.
Head towards the Bellagio and meet up with Mark and Mari, who are driving from D.C. to Berkeley and just so happen to be around. Gamble. Drink. Win money. Lose money. Win money. Lose money. Head to Paris, with its ceiling painted to resemble the springtime sky. Obliviate to the time. Play nickel slots to attract cocktails, and experience great excitement when my machine goes apeshit.
"Keep going! Keep going!"
"You're going to win like $1200!"
"Holy crap!"
"Keep going!"
The machine stops, and I cash that shit out. $38.25.
Leave Paris.
Day 2
Why does every casino have such hideous carpeting?
Heat. Intense heat. Window-shop at the designer shops and witness dudes and their trophies in action. See the Prada shoes gifted to Kristy. There will be no such present for me on this trip. Adore a yellow Dolce t-shirt encrusted with rhinestones, spelling out "I Heart Collagen." Look at price tag; move on. Pool. Overheat. Nap. Primp. Depart for "Little Buddha" at the Palms, but 1/3 of the entourage begins fighting and we lose our table. Go instead to the Excalibur buffet, ditch 1/3 of the entourage, meet up with the Duke kids, and this is where the logic begins to crumble. The Vegas drug had taken its hold.
"You put money on red," says Carolyn at the roulette table. "If you win, you double your money. If you lose, you double your bet."
T. had given me similar logic for blackjack. Satisfied with the advice of two smart kids, I join in the betting, and then we begin to lose, and lose, and lose. Then we switch colors and lose some more. Mari and I are shaking a little. Tommy pulls me away. I am not made for luck games. Clearly, we must go play poker. I nudge Tommy on the way.
"What's a straight again?"
Oh, the men at our poker table found us amusing. Who is this blonde girl with the gold tube top and loopy pigtails? Surely, she should walk away, because she is about to give us mucho money in chips!
Fifteen minutes into our $3 limit table, I'm up ~$100. The men start saying something about Ben Affleck, and Mark notes that one is a Nevadan Tal Hirshberg. We play a bit longer, and I walk away.
That's entertainment.
