This is one of the dumber commercials I've seen lately ever.

1. The lady whining about being unable to make ends meet is standing in the middle of a super nice kitchen.

2. The lady is whining about it becoming harder to feed her family corn syrup.

3. The lady refers to Crystal Light drink mix as "lemonade."

4. The GIANT bottle of gross-looking fruit drink says "99 cents" on it even though, no matter how gross that fruit drink is, it definitely does not cost 99 cents.

5. If anyone were to drink that much 99 cent fruit drink on a daily basis, they would not be as thin as that lady and her kid.

6. The lady's just kind of annoying.

I just don't get it, my friends.  I mean, corn syrup is already federally subsidized (dumb dumb dumb), so I think the ideal solution is cutting out the corn subsidy rather than taxing the people it obesifies, but am I seriously supposed to have any other reaction to someone whining about the prices of soda than "so STOP DRINKING IT"??

Disaster

I LOST MY 30-DAY SHRED DVD.  I have no idea where it is.  Did I lend it to someone???  No, no.  I don't like anyone that much.  You guys.  This DVD is essential to my non-fat-assedness.  I NEED it to maintain somewhat buff strapless-wedding-dress arms.  On the other hand, I was kind of at a plateau with the Shred.  Getting a little tired of it.  So rather than re-purchasing...

I moved on up:

I'm going to eliminate love handles, muffin tops, and wobbly arms for good!

(Uh... also... I started reading the 1963 classic novel The Group by quasi-feminist Mary McCarthy and it's great.  The founders of Kent Place can stop crying now).

(Mary McCarthy is probably best known for her random feud with the great Lillian Hellman, and for delivering this zinger on late-night TV: "every word she writes is a lie, including 'and' and 'the'."  Yowza!)

Bridols

Bridols are married ladies (former brides) to whom current brides look up for whatever reason.  For this coveted position, most brides first choose Grace Kelly.

Because she is was the prettiest lady in the world, duh.  Even Ivanka Trump ripped off her ensemble.

Although I suspect that could be said of anyone wearing lace sleeves.

I also suspect that Grace Kelly is the go-to bridol due to her looking 1000% serene in every single photograph.  She projects this whole chic bridal-modesty thing we insane ladypeople are scratching at the walls to attain.  I wonder if this comes from having the palace secretary plan everything.

However, most people don't know that Princess Grace's entire ensemble was crafted by the MGM costume shop, and that her veil was specifically designed to go over her face (bridal modesty!) while leaving it entirely visible (Hollywood vamp!).  Or that during the wedding ceremony, the priest announced her new titles... all 142 of them (yawn).

My personal bridols are my two older sisters and Dan's high school friend Carlie, after whose wedding last year I had the second-worst hangover of my life (great party).

Hehe

This type of thing makes me so happy that the internet was still a baby when I was in college.

Also it is hilarious.

My Bachelorette Party

This pretty much sums it up.

More Shower Pictures

I learned how to embed a slideshow!  These are Scotty's pictures.  Mellis's are below.

Showers of Happiness!

On Saturday, my friends and family got together to throw me a ridiculously awesome bridal shower. There was much laughter, rampant consumerism, a bow hat, Melanie and Willis's absurdly large apartment, Bump-its, and a slideshow that Scott spent two days on that made me cry. Oh, and Dan showed up at the end like the white knight that he is.

This was all followed by Bollywood dancing, a delicious dinner with a lot of champagne, and a blinking penis headband. But that's a post for another day.

Eeeeeeeeeeee

Since Wedding Season has begun (somewhere, you hear Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson prank calling each other), my photographer has begun to update her blog again.  Squee!  Yay!

(Dennis is still my favorite photographer, but she's a close second).