Downton

As previously mentioned, I am super into Downton Abbey, and am simultaneously enchanted and puzzled by how much drama they can wring out whether or not Gwen will get a job as a secretary.

Also by the clever trick of turning us all against Homely Edith (left).  Who knew I'd be rooting for Beauteous Mary (center)?  (although let's be honest, Progressive Sybil (right) is obviously the best).

AHHHHHHHHHH NEED SEASON TWO WHY DO THE BRITISH GET EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGG3245(*&&$@#!*

Oh, NY Post

"Baby boy for Huma and louse."  Never change, Post.  Never change.

What Should I Be Watching?

Occasionally people ask me what TV they should be watching (I am a professional, after all).  So, some suggestions with what to do with that swath of time between Christmas and New Year's, because you better not be at the mall returning things on the 26th.  Wait until January like a normal person!

Set Your DVR/Catch up on repeats
The following are currently on the air and worth checking out.  Sadly, it's a small list: this year's crop of new shows was underwhelming.

Revenge
An uber-campy, over-the-top revenge story so thoroughly unrealistic that you start to question whether it even takes place on Earth.  Which is why it is AWESOME.  Great one to dissect with a group.  Like, when did Emily get a sensei?  Aren't they supposed to be peaceful?

Parks and Recreation
In my opinion, this is currently the best comedy on television.  If Ron Swanson doesn't make you laugh, you're probably European.

The Good Wife
Do you need a satisfying crime procedural with less child rape than SVU?  Do you like KILLER guest stars hamming it up every week?  Are you human?  Do you have a soul?  Are you (probably) female?  This show is for you.

Currently Streaming
These are the shows you should be streaming via Netflix , cursing yourself as you immediately watch three hours in a row because you can't say no to your own request for "just one more."

Breaking Bad
First three seasons available legally.  Season four available... elsewhere.  I have so much to say about Breaking Bad that it needs its own post, but suffice to say that the hype is accurate.  This is up there with The Sopranos in terms of a great, epic show.

Party Down
The downfall of this particular show was that its cast was too good: they all left for networks that pay better and the show got cancelled.  But enjoy this brief, shining moment of comedy perfection and join the Party Down crew as they cater a variety of events from hell.  If you have ever worked in service or the arts you will find it particularly biting.

Friday Night Lights
Sorry to get all "best show everrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!" on you, but it really is so perfect.  For everyone.  Settle in with a hankie and prepare to start telling everyone that clear eyes, full hearts can't lose, and steel yourself for the realization that you and your spouse will never be Coach and Tami Taylor.

Downton Abbey
I started this one last night, watched half of season one in a sitting, and take back all the times I referred to it as "DownTOWN Abbey" - this show is richly satisfying.  A friend currently has black market season two screeners and I am determined to make them mine.  My favorite line so far is when the Dowager Countess asks what a "weekend" is.

It's Only Tuesday?

We have been very busy and I am wiped out.  Maybe you are too?  If so:

Jackie's Packie

Paul and Lucia continue on their slow crawl to internet domination.

Hm

Does anyone else see the irony in a line of Hunger Games-branded nail polishes?  Ie beauty products inspired by a book that spends several chapters excoriating the vanity of the villains as a symbol of their shallowness, excess, and sponsorship of youth-on-youth murder as a form of entertainment?

Although that gold one does look pretty sweet.  I hope they use it on Cinna.

A Very Nice Wedding

Soooooo... Dan and I kind of figured we were in for a nice wedding after receiving the eight-piece engraved invitation and finding a fifteen-pound Christmas sleigh-style welcome basket in our hotel room.

This was compounded when we walked into the church for a pre-ceremony "Christmas concert" and saw that a full orchestra had been brought in for the occasion.

The reception was at the bride's childhood home.  After walking down the driveway, past Rockefeller-center style decorations and costumed carolers, we entered the gorgeous foyer:

-featuring a double staircase with violinists, of course!  The cocktail hour involved walking from room to room, each decorated with a different Christmas theme.  For instance:

Santa's sleigh gliding into the moonlight!

Please note that the above two pictures were taken indoors.  They created a FOREST INSIDE THEIR HOUSE.  It felt like a jolly holiday-themed Sleep No More, or Epcot in December.  An immersive Christmas cocktail hour theatrical experience?  Yes please.

Once we had exhausted the five bars and open crab claws, a bagpiper summoned the revelers to a massive tented structure in the backyard.  It was only then that we realized the entire party thus far had technically been in the basement.

I can't over-emphasize how nice this tent was.  It had a bar/lounge and dessert wing.  It was CARPETED.  Guests blinked at the decor, threw their heads back, and howled at their own good fortune.

Christmas, Christmas everywhere.  

And in the ultimate class move, a 30th birthday cake for Dan.

Wasn't it so nice of them to throw this whole party for Dan's special day?  Thanks guys!  And Mazel Tov.

DK30

Dan and I had a great weekend in Chicago.  He liked the various electronics I got him for his birthday (there's also an epic sushi dinner waiting tomorrow), and then we attended an out-of-control extravagant wedding.  I'll post some pictures later.

But MEANWHILE, over in Las Vegas, Dennis was having his own legendary 30th birthday bash.  For example:

One of the many things I love about Dennis is that he just goes for it.  I mean, the reason we're friends is that he picked up the phone six years ago and invited me over for Chinese food and gay dancing after meeting me once for like 10 minutes.  He didn't care that I might end up being lame, or that we might not hit it off one-on-one.  He started his own business to accommodate the lifestyle he wanted, rather than the more traditional path (mine, for instance) of shaping your life to fit your work.  It's pretty cool.  Anyway, I've heard him say over the years that he's always wanted to walk into a party and start chucking dollar bills around.  So now, years later, now that's he able to do something insane like literally throw eight hundred dollars away - he made his dream come true!  Congrats DK!

Wetfoodwetfoodwetfoodwetfood

Our cats' thought process used to go:

Sleep sleep sleep hair tie hair tie hair tie sleep hair tie soft surface naptime eattime cuddletime soft surface warm lap sleep hair tie.

Carla and Bianca, gamboling about the window seat in simpler times.

Then we introduced C&B to wet food, and they immediately went all Jesse Pinkman's Junkie Girlfriend on us.

WET FOOD.  WET FOOD.  WET FOOD.  hair tie? no, wet food. wet food.  GET UP, FUCKER, AND FEED ME SOME FUCKING WET FOOD.  YOU CAN SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.

Wet food has turned our snuggleballs into jittery little assholes.  It starts about ten minutes before our alarm goes off in the morning: sensing that we will soon be awake and capable of filling their bowls with stinky chunks of processed meat scrap, Carla and Bianca begin their assault, first crawling on top of me and then all over Dan, kneading their little paws into my bladder and resting their full weight on various pressure points.  When one of us eventually gets up and staggers to the bathroom, they sprint ahead, their little bellies flapping side to side, and then stand by their bowls, glaring.  Bianca inevitably shoves Carla to the side as Dan (it's usually Dan.  Thanks, hubby!) spoons a can of slop into their bowls.  Carla then sits just outside the bathroom, looking longingly at the wet food until Bianca is done.

Whenever we run out of the wet food cans and force a temporary switch to dry kibble, I see them staring at our television, trying to figure out how best to steal and sell it for a fix.

Who am I kidding.  This crap entertains the bejesus out of me.  Wet food 4evr!

Scandals of Classic Hollywood

The Hairpin does a great series called "Scandals of Classic Hollywood," written by a woman with an actual doctorate in celebrity gossip (really!  Ok fine: Media Studies).  I found her explication of Clark Gable particularly illuminating.  Apparently after Gable, ever the ladies' man, knocked up his publicly virtuous Catholic co-star Loretta Young, she "pulled what might be the greatest Hollywood non-publicity stunt of all time: 

1) She hides the pregnancy.
2) When she begins to show, she flees to England “on vacation.”
3) When people start asking where the hell she is, she says that she’s dealing with a “condition from childhood.”
4) She somehow smuggles herself back to her mom’s house in Venice, California, where she gives birth. I’m picturing nuns in gray, with lots of whispering and pulling of the drapes.
5) She sends the baby to an orphanage, trims herself down, and goes back to work.
6) 19 months later, she tells Louella Parsons that she plans to adopt “two babies” and embrace the life of a single mother.
7) She picks up her daughter at the orphanage, then tells the press “Oops! Second baby got reclaimed, Imma just adopt this one baby WHO LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE MEEE!!!!” ...
8) She refuses to tell her daughter the identity of her real parents, even when the daughter’s HUGE CLARK GABLE EARS betray her true identity to all of the world." 

Their daughter's obituary was in the Times today, and along with a collection of fairly damning quotes from the daughter about her asshole parents (she had her ears surgically altered at age 7 to de-Gable her appearance; her mother refused to publicly acknowledge her parentage until 2000), it includes a picture.

(Reference photo of dad):

Why, hello, female Clark Gable!  That must have been a fun high school experience.

I think sometimes it's important to remember that people in the thirties and forties could be just as selfish and awful as they are today.  It's just that there was no TMZ to catch it.