A Report of Orphan Black: Surrender to the Neolution

In the spirit of Orphan Black’s overall theme of genetic experiments, I’m going to pitch you this gem of a show in the form of a high school science report. Remember those? Kudos if you do; I had to look it up.

Introduction
I first learned of Orphan Black from its subway posters, which were right up my alley. A girl's face repeating itself like a Rorschach blot/magic eye poster? Clones?! Yes, please. But you know how it goes: life happens, and there are Housewives to keep up with, so I didn't start watching until the first season wrapped up, having heard a rumor that Tatiana Maslany's performance, playing seven (!) roles, was not to be missed.

I wrote this thing on Orphan Black, an AWESOME and little-watched show on BBC America. You can read the rest here, if you like. I really did have to look up how to write a science report; how quickly we forget.

Blurred Lines

I pay almost no attention to the music world. My professional life mandates being consumed by television, which is a-ok with me, and what with paying at least a little attention to theater, my caring capacity is full. So when a debate broke out last week about this year's "Song of the Summer," I played along and deduced that "Blurred Lines" is the main contender. Wanting to fit in, I looked up the video, which I had heard was naughty.

Eh, whatever, a bunch of models stalking around in teeny outfits, I thought. This is not new. 

OH WAIT, I then realized. There's also an unrated version, in which they have taken off the rest of their clothes. So it's just three dudes in suits and a bunch of apparently nudist models dancing in hideous shoes.

I can't handle it anymore, y'all. I can't. There was this huge article in the Times where Robin Thicke, who, it should be mentioned, is the offspring of the dad from Growing Pains, because that's R&B cred if I ever saw it, defended the whole thing. Because he's married, duh.

Mr. Thicke said he found it odd that he had gained notoriety for the video when so many of his songs have been inspired by his marriage and respect for his wife. She advised him to make the video and offered suggestions, he said.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHP(#WA*e4r3fnawjdhrkdshfkdshf43wfaer9

For me, that makes it worse. "I respect my wife," he's saying. "So therefore I can use the boobies of other, less important women as set decoration and to be a stickier trending topic."

The video's director - who is female, which makes it all okay, right? - says it best: "I want to make videos that sell records. This is my main focus right now... to make videos that move units."

So the machine behind this super-objectifying, and in my opinion offensive short film can say that it's empowering to women all they want (which they do: apparently the women are "subtly ridiculing the men," which I guess involves removing one's top? RIDICULE AWAY, say men everywhere), and continue pretending to be baffled that feminist groups don't like it, but I would rather they just be honest. They made it to make money, and to inspire people like me to write lengthy blog posts about it. The last shot of the video sums it up best.

Guys in the front! Girls in the back! MAN IS IT GREAT TO BE A DUDE.

Win Some...

Sometimes you make perfect pickles on the first try...

...and sometimes you ignore the fact that you need to set a timer for apricot jam.

Life Certainties

Death
Taxes
That I would eventually ferment my own pickles

Dan and I Went to Banff and All I Got Was This Fake-Looking Photo

It's not a big secret that Dan and I travel a lot, and that we're lucky enough to visit some far-flung places. But for this summer's trip, we stuck closer to home (well... as close as 3000 miles can be) and visited our neighbor to the North for a Canadian Rockies road trip.

"You are so random," Dan's sister said of this plan.

No arguments there (our original idea was Japan), but Vancouver/Banff/Lake Louise/Jasper was the freaking bomb. There was absolutely no pressure to do anything except look at pretty scenery, and that turned out to be quite easy: just open your eyes. We saw glaciers, and glacier-fed lakes of an inhuman, unnatural blue. We saw bears eating raspberries by the side of the road, and a double rainbow over our lodge as we drank Albertan beers. We even ate relatively sensibly and did a lot of hiking, biking, rafting, and walking, so much so that my boss today commented that I look a tiny bit slimmer. It was an awesome trip. Even more awesome because I planned none of it - thanks, Danno!

This photo, in particular, looks like we're sitting in front of a mural at the visitors' center.