Fleabag

I watched Fleabag, a six-episode British series on Amazon, last week. Oh, man. After the first two episodes I just wanted to talk about it at everyone. Not even with everyone, just at them, because it evokes these very strong and personal feelings and I'm not sure why.

Fleabag is about a thirtysomething British woman living in London. Both her mother and best friend have recently died. The woman, who is the titular "Fleabag," although no one ever calls her that, THANK GOD, sleeps around, steals, masturbates frequently, and drives everyone who is even vaguely kind to her out of her life. (And it manages to do this while being nothing like Girls).

This is what got to me about Fleabag:

• Fleabag is so adrift in life that she stops making decisions. Part of the series' angle is that she's a sexual deviant, but as I watched, I felt like she just didn't have the energy or inclination to say no. Life is pointless, so why bother? Why be nice to people? Why hold onto your boyfriend? Why make an effort with your failing cafe? Why not give your number to the buck-toothed guy on the bus? Nothing's going to work out anyway.
• Fleabag's relationship with her sister, while it resembles no sisterly relationship I've seen, feels real. Their closeness, in the midst of constant sniping, is unspoken and obvious.
• Fleabag's issues seem to stem from the death of her best friend, Boo. In flashbacks, Boo is a clear tether for Fleabag. While Fleabag is acidic and cynical, Boo is tender and kind, without being mushy. They laugh, and have no need for anyone else. So when Boo "accidentally" commits suicide (Fleabag insists that it was intended as a ploy for her ex's attention), Fleabag is alone. Very alone.
• I said "seem" to stem because the final episode reveals that Fleabag's issues aren't exactly new.
• This sounds dark, right? But it's also really funny.
• I am obsessed with Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who created and stars in the show, as she is a brave and gorgeous artist.

• Why did Amazon choose this image as the key art?!

The show is FUNNY! I swear! Go watch it.

I'M ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dan got tickets for my birthday ("Was this cooked up in a Gifts for Meghan lab?"). All my dreams are coming true.

Hiiiiiiiii

Hi guys! I'm still alive. No one blogs anymore (DENNIS) (follow him on Snapchat at EggFury and Instagram). I have many a half-finished post on my account here but instead I'm just going to give you some random factoids about recent goings-on:

• We started using Blue Apron once or twice a month, and I really like it. I think it would be even better for people who don't cook a lot already, because several of the selling points - the recipes are for things you wouldn't normally cook, they include fun rando ingredients, you don't have to invest in a giant thing of Sichuan peppercorns or toasted rice powder because they include two tablespoons of it - don't apply to me. I already own a giant thing of Sichuan peppercorns, and made a bulk batch of toasted rice powder because larb is the easiest weeknight dinner out there. But for me, not having to think about meal planning or grocery shopping on a busy week is enough.
• Work's going well. Henry not getting sick every other day and us getting used to him being a mobile, opinionated toddler has helped us keep some balance.
• I bought a Mansur Gavriel crossbody bag and am OBSESSED WITH IT.
• I also bought a spiralizer and you should get one too.
• Henry eats SO MUCH. This morning he had 1.5 adult servings of oatmeal, a banana, a cheese stick, and a third of the omelet I'd made for me and Dan, and was crying "Muh! Muh!" (translation: more) as we dragged him out of the high chair. He usually eats breakfast with me during the week, but one day I had to go in early and had him eat breakfast at daycare. The caregivers looked at his food and asked, hesitantly, "So we give him... all of this?" Despite this Dwayne Johnson/Michael Phelps-style diet, he's quite sleek.
• I'm pretty much just not paying attention to the election. If Hillary's chances of victory dip below 65%, I might take a leave of absence to campaign in Ohio, Pennsylvania, and/or Virginia.
• Some of Henry's better words are "cheers," "yogurt," "Bapa," (Grandpa), "bus," "glasses," "outside," and "coffee." He uses "coffee" while pointing to the coffeemaker, coffee cups, and bags of coffee, which I find impressive.
• Henry also finds the aforementioned coffee cups hilarious.
• This recipe for oven fries is dangerous and should be made immediately.

That's more or less it. Things are good! They're just pretty much the same. Which is also good. If you want nonstop Henry action, you can follow me on Snapchat, the world's best app, at Meghoonio. That should have been a bullet, actually: I'm obsessed with Snapchat. Filters! Lenses! Real-time mini-moviemaking! And it all disappears in a day, which means Henry will never see my commentary as he walks to daycare carrying a large blanket with his teeth.

Bon Appetit!

I've been subscribing to Bon Appetit for a few years now, after swearing off food magazines once Gourmet shuttered (RIP). Not wanting to hoard back issues, I read each month's issue, rip out pages with any recipe I want to try, and stick them in a clear folder. This way my entire recipe backlog takes up about a half-inch on the bookshelf, to better make room for my one thousand cookbooks.

Anyway, this is one of those torn-out recipes: the correct way to make fried rice. Well, "correct" in the sense that it's how Danny Bowien of Mission Chinese Food makes it, and that the advice runs counter to every other recipe I've tried. But it's awesome.

Beef Jerky Fried Rice
Serves 4

Note: I have never actually used the beef jerky or potato chips listed below, but the method is great. No soy sauce. Warm rice. Sugar! Who knew that these were the key to great fried rice.

3 tablespoons grapeseed oil (do not skimp on oil)
1 cup sliced mushrooms
2 large eggs, beaten to blend
3 cups warm cooked jasmine rice (freshly cooked! What?!)
½ cup chopped white onion
½ cup sliced beef jerky (or other protein)
½ cup thinly sliced scallions
1 teaspoon raw sugar
½ cup crushed kettle-cooked potato chips, plus more for serving
Kosher salt
2 tablespoons low-sodium chicken broth
Thinly sliced red onion and cilantro leaves (for serving)

Preparation

Heat oil in a large nonstick or cast-iron skillet over high. Cook mushrooms, tossing, until just brown, about 1 minute. Pour in eggs and stir vigorously 10 seconds. 

Add rice; pat it down and spread out in an even layer, breaking up any clumps, then vigorously toss everything together. Continue patting and tossing process until grains dry out and separate, about 3 minutes.


Add white onion, beef jerky, scallions, raw sugar, and ½ cup potato chips to rice mixture; season with salt. Cook, tossing, until onion is slightly softened, about 2 minutes. Pour broth around edges of skillet and continue to cook rice mixture, tossing, until broth evaporates. 
(The broth deglazes the pan and returns any flavor to the rice).

Serve fried rice topped with red onion, cilantro, and more potato chips.

OH MY GOD HENRY IS SO CUTE

Make Basically Anything Delicious

REAL QUICK: here is a simple way to always have something dinner-ish around.

Chop a large bunch of scallions (white and green parts), two cloves of garlic, and a thumb-sized, peeled knob of ginger (I do the ginger in a mini food processor). Combine with 1 1/2 teaspoons of soy sauce, 3/4 teaspoon of sherry or rice wine vinegar, and 3/4 teaspoon of salt.

 Heat a quarter cup of grapeseed or vegetable oil, pour over the veggies, mix, and store in the fridge.

Congratulations! You just made Ginger Scallion Sauce. This recipe is a mashup of two methods - David Chang's and Francis Lam's. Says David Chang (NB: Mr. Chang is the Momofuku guy):

"If you have ginger scallion sauce in the fridge, you will never go hungry: stir 6 tablespoons into a bowl of hot noodles—lo mein, rice noodles, Shanghai thick noodles—and you're in business. Or serve over a bowl of rice topped with a fried egg.Or with grilled meat or any kind of seafood. Or almost anything."

This is pretty much true. I throw it on scrambled eggs for an easy breakfast that still feels special. You can slather it on a plain grilled chicken breast, or mix it with soba noodles, or mix it with soba noodles and then pour hot broth over everything and add some frozen veggies for a soup, or just throw it in a pan and use it as a flavor base for a bajillion Asian-inspired dishes.

Also, a little goes a long way, and in my experience the sauce keeps well in the fridge.

Ginger Scallion Sauce. Make it!

If I Won Powerball

Over the summers in high school, my mom and I would sit on the beach and spend our imaginary Powerball money. It was one of my favorite things to do on vacation. We'd decide which car each of us would get (Biz got a VW Beetle in this scenario, and I got a VW Cabriolet. Then we'd wise up and dream bigger). So on the eve of a one-point-five BILLION DOLLAR Powerball jackpot, Dan and I played the game ourselves.

"Obviously we would get Scott a Studebaker," I said. "And Mom would get some kind of fancy BMW."

"Your Mom has already owned a BMW," Dan replied. "Come on."

"An Aston Martin?"

"A Bentley!"

(Personally, I would get myself a Tesla).

"Basically, no one in either of our families would ever work again," Dan said.

"We'd quit our jobs immediately, right??

"Immediately."

Imagine all the frivolous shit you could do with a billion (and a half!) dollars. Where would we live? Where wouldn't we live?! I guess we'd start some sort of Zuckerbergian charitable LLC and start developing political muscle to force important humanitarian change, but besides that boring stuff...

Initial things to do in an immediate frenzy:

• Commission a personal performance of Hamilton and invite everyone I know
• Buy aforementioned Tesla
• Gather my family around a copy of the Robb Report and have them each tear out a couple of pages; pay someone to obtain everything on each page
• Hire a personal trainer away from the Avengers cast
• Barneys shopping spree, duh
• Charter a plane to Cape Town and bring all my friends and family on a glamping safari
• Buy houses for everyone in the family, pay off debt, etc.
• Fund a Stop Donald Trump PAC, should it come to that

I just realized that Dan and I are both in Powerball pools, so we're not going to win the whole jackpot. But even then, the Tesla thing is still totally doable!

Yesterday

Yesterday, when I picked up Henry from daycare, he toddled over to me, smiled, and - once I'd  picked him up - gave me a little lick on the nose.

Scampi: Actual Recipe

It worked! You should make this. It's basically the flavors of shrimp scampi mashed into a buttery topping, which melts over the shrimp in the oven while crunching up on top.

You could probably use less butter... but not for New Year's Eve :)

Shrimp Scampi
by me, Meghan V. Kaminski
mashed up from Barefoot Contessa Back to Basics and the Rao's Cookbook

2 pounds (12 to 15 per pound) shrimp in the shell
3 tablespoons good olive oil
2 tablespoons dry white wine (or vermouth, or chicken broth) (who has two tablespoons of white wine lying around?)
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

12 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 heaping tablespoon minced garlic

3 tablespoons minced fresh parsley leaves
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce - maybe a little more to taste
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice/juice of one lemon
1 extra-large egg yolk
2/3 cup panko (Japanese dried bread flakes)
Lemon wedges, for serving

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F.

Peel, devein, and butterfly the shrimp. Note on shrimp: the frozen stuff you get already peeled is a mushy waste of money. For this dish, you need the good stuff, and the good stuff will likely come in the shell. Sorry. The video here shows you how to do it.

Place the shrimp in a mixing bowl and toss gently with the olive oil, wine or wine substitute, and salt and pepper. Let marinate while you make the topping.

In a small bowl, mash the softened butter with the garlic, parsley, Worcestershire sauce, lemon zest, lemon juice, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/4 teaspoon of pepper, and egg yolk. Once mixed, add the panko and mash some more until combined - at this point I used my hands.

Starting from the outer edge of a 14-inch oval gratin dish, arrange the shrimp in a single layer, cut side down with the tails curling up towards the center of the dish. Spread the panko-butter mixture evenly over the shrimp. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes until hot and bubbly. If you like the top browned, place under a broiler for 1 minute. Serve hot.