I'm finally supine on the couch, surrounded by half-empty boxes and trash bags and various kitchen gadgets that I, today, cursed for being in my possession in such quantity. The move went smoothly, although it did take all day.
Shoutouts have to go to my parents, who cheerfully took a bunch of my furniture to their house, which they have been trying to reclaim despite our best efforts. Champ of the day was Willis, Dan's sister's boyfriend, who basically took over Dan's boyfriendly duty* of carrying all my heavy shit, volunteering his car, and snapping me into gear as I stood in my living room, panicking at all the unpacked shit strewn between the dust bunnies on the floor. Shoutout also the new roommate Justin, who helped, and minor shoutout to Ameet, who carried two boxes. Oh, and (Sm)Ashley, who took my bookshelf and put all my random condiments and dried legumes away! I love you guys. Friends who will help you move are true friends, because dude. Moving sucks.
Worth it.
But it sucks.
*Dan had to be in Chicago for family stuff. I don't want you to think he was, like shirking.
1.31.2009
The Big Day
Today is moving day! I haven't finished packing. I just want to lie down. I should lie down, because in twenty minutes some dude named Danny and his boyfriend who are currently sleeping on a broken futon (or so they say) are coming to take my bed. I have a sneaking suspicion that they have no car or truck with which to transport it; however, they live a block away. Allegedly. Craigslist people are so flaky that I trust none of them anymore. Then my roommate's movers will take the couch and my lovely TV. Farewell, my Panasonic. It was fun.
Then I get to wait for the cable guy with no TV and nothing to sit on.
Awesome.
Then I get to wait for the cable guy with no TV and nothing to sit on.
Awesome.
1.30.2009
Happy Friday
me: should i start spelling egg with one g?
eg
Dennis: yes
please
me: 2 eg omelet
to be enjoyed by a monky
Dennis: i like spelling stuff like that
like monky
hahahahah
yessss
me: i know you too well
Dennis: hahaha amazing
ok i'm going to go be productive
a.k.a. read people magazine
me: ok
write me a book report
Sent at 3:15 PM on Friday
Dennis: the black man
who won the contest of america
has pretty lady
he dances with her
and she wears pretty dresses
like a swandress
together they make everyone very very happy
and golden coins fell from the sky
The End
1.28.2009
Kale: Super Food In Multiple Ways
Last night, I got a lobster roll for dinner. It's an indulgent, almost naughty thing that I like to do every so often. Once every, say, seven months? I couldn't finish it, though, so I took half of it home for lunch today. Only I forgot it, so I thought I'd have it for dinner. Only looking at it, I thought, "I need to eat something besides this half a lobster with an amount of mayo I'd rather not exactly know in a hot bog bun that's been browned in butter" and "that something else had better be healthy." So I tasted a little bit of this marinated kale salad that I made last week and was planning on chucking, and lo and behold: it's still good.
This is huge. Kale is a "superfood," which means that if you eat enough of it you can jump off buildings and not get hurt. Kale is also, when steamed or boiled or prepared in any way by my hands, gross. Still, I bought a huge bunch of it last week in a fit of "shopping for health," and because I want to eat as much in my fridge as possible before the move, had been looking for way to eat it ever since.
This miraculous salad comes from Heartbreak Soup, a blog that you will know if you are really into New York City media gossip, and won't if you live elsewhere and/or have a mostly offline life. It's kind of like Cooking for Mr. Latte, except subsitute all the new relationship and wedding stuff with breakups. Emily, the intrepid narrator, returns to Greenpoint after an extended, messy breakup with her longtime boyfriend to visit some friends. She's oh-so-wistful about this neighborhood that she's left and longs to return to some state of normalcy. Her pal "Scuttlebutt" feeds her this "improbably addictive" and "very, very healthy" salad of raw kale with lemon juice and carrot coins.
"Raw kale? Improbably delicious?" I thought. "Bitch, please." But I made it. And, Bitch, PLEASE! As in, please share more of these magically delicious, ridiculously healthy recipes that somehow stay good in the fridge for like SEVEN DAYS AND COUNTING!
Anyway, if you want to make it, tear a bunch of kale into bite size strips, place them in a bowl, and squeeze a lemon over the whole thing. Salt and pepper a little bit, and then add some thinly cut carrots if you like (she also uses avocado; I didn't have one, but they would probably shorten the shelf life anyway), or maybe some red pepper flakes or sliced raw garlic if that's the way you roll. Massage it all into the kale with your hands so that it gets shiny and kind of wilty. Then wash your hands. Then eat. Save the leftovers. Eat again later.
You're welcome.
This is huge. Kale is a "superfood," which means that if you eat enough of it you can jump off buildings and not get hurt. Kale is also, when steamed or boiled or prepared in any way by my hands, gross. Still, I bought a huge bunch of it last week in a fit of "shopping for health," and because I want to eat as much in my fridge as possible before the move, had been looking for way to eat it ever since.
This miraculous salad comes from Heartbreak Soup, a blog that you will know if you are really into New York City media gossip, and won't if you live elsewhere and/or have a mostly offline life. It's kind of like Cooking for Mr. Latte, except subsitute all the new relationship and wedding stuff with breakups. Emily, the intrepid narrator, returns to Greenpoint after an extended, messy breakup with her longtime boyfriend to visit some friends. She's oh-so-wistful about this neighborhood that she's left and longs to return to some state of normalcy. Her pal "Scuttlebutt" feeds her this "improbably addictive" and "very, very healthy" salad of raw kale with lemon juice and carrot coins.
"Raw kale? Improbably delicious?" I thought. "Bitch, please." But I made it. And, Bitch, PLEASE! As in, please share more of these magically delicious, ridiculously healthy recipes that somehow stay good in the fridge for like SEVEN DAYS AND COUNTING!
Anyway, if you want to make it, tear a bunch of kale into bite size strips, place them in a bowl, and squeeze a lemon over the whole thing. Salt and pepper a little bit, and then add some thinly cut carrots if you like (she also uses avocado; I didn't have one, but they would probably shorten the shelf life anyway), or maybe some red pepper flakes or sliced raw garlic if that's the way you roll. Massage it all into the kale with your hands so that it gets shiny and kind of wilty. Then wash your hands. Then eat. Save the leftovers. Eat again later.
You're welcome.
1.27.2009
Ray Of Sunshine
Maura got tickets to The Daily Show, so tomorrow I will experience audience coordination from the patron's perspective. She also invited her current, and my former, beloved roommate, Alexis.
Alexis is the type who sometimes needs help with daily tasks.
yay! daily show! tomorrow! wee!
yay! daily show! tomorrow! wee!
Inbox
X
show details 2:01 PM (17 minutes ago) |
|
The guest tomorrow is Neil Degrasse Tyson, an astrophysist who has a book coming out about Pluto!
see you guys at the place in the email at 4:15! (alexis, i will draw a map and put it in your backpack before you leave for work)
1.26.2009
I Found A Cord
Good times with glasses:
Actually, I'm not sure that I care if you like them. Because this is bananas. How was I walking around, assuming the world is kind of blurry? I can see.
Actually, I'm not sure that I care if you like them. Because this is bananas. How was I walking around, assuming the world is kind of blurry? I can see.
Things
I'm home.
Was in Chicago for the weekend.
Anyway.
I was thinking that with moving into Dan's place, where the demands on the lone cable box are greatly amplified by the various male inhabitants with an addiction to the NBA, I could take advantage and, you know... watch less television. I was going to start now, as practice. Yet here I am, drinking a giant glass of Kendall-Jackson chardonnay, watching Grey's Anatomy, which I stopped liking two and a half seasons ago. At least Gossip Girl's a rerun.
In less shameful news, I'm currently reading an excellent biography of Nobel-winning postcolonialist master V. S. Naipaul. Oh, you aren't familiar with A House for Mr. Biswas? PITY.
I had an early flight from Chicago. On the way to the airport, I mentioned to Dan that I might purchase a neck pillow, because I'd been thinking about it for a while. Being a cheapass, that limited-use U-shaped neck pillow thing is a real anathema to me, and Dan, who is sensible in his spending, was noncommital.
I bought one.
It was amazing.
I'm moving in five days. I was having a lot of trouble selling my furniture on craigslist, so I finally made new, more enticing ads.
For the bed:
Reply to: sale-1008501066@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-26, 2:01PM EST
I know. Buying a mattress on craigslist is kind of weird. But I'm not selling you a mattress. I'm GIVING you a mattress. That's way more solid.
Why give away a perfectly fine mattress? Because after two years of sleeping on my boyfriend's mattress five to six nights a week, said boyfriend generously offered to share his mattress on a more permanent basis. Isn't that sweet? I move into his place on Saturday, and I really just want to get rid of all my shit. PLEASE. PLEASE come take my bed. It's never been peed in. It has no bed bugs. I don't eat there. I just don't need it, and getting it out of my hair is one less thing to deal with.
Deets: full size, wooden box spring, originally from Sleepy's two years ago, metal frame on wheels. Pretty basic, in pretty good condition. Although I think it's of "normal" firmness, others tell me it's a little bit on the softer side. You need to be able to transport it, and because craigslisters are kind of flaky about keeping appointments, you can't come "look at it." You can come GET it. Just send me an email.
Reply to: sale-1008481376@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-26, 1:52PM EST
I'm moving and don't need my TV anymore. It's 32 inches (I think), works fine, and has a good picture. You just have to come and get it. Preferably with an able-bodied friend. Two friends if you're scrawny-- it's pretty heavy. But hey, it's also free.
To answer frequently asked questions:
Yes, it is in good condition.
No, you cannot come and "look at it." You either want it or you don't. However, you can totally come and GET it.
It has to be picked up by Saturday.
The pic below should give you an idea of its size (also, if you're interested in the TV stand, the bookshelf, or the edge of that loveseat you see in the pic, they're all for sale. Just make an offer. I'm also trying to get rid of my bed).
S 2nd and Roebling in Williamsburg.
I got the picture off of the craigslist posting for my apartment, which is apparently, in this economy, worth $2k per month (heheheHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha hehe... whew...)... my closetless cubby on Murder Row is not really worth that. Just sayin'.
Lastly, I picked up my glasses today. I guess I had to come off my pedestal of genetic perfection eventually. All my connection cords are at Dan's, so you'll have to wait for a picture. I'm not sure I achieved the geeky-sexy look I was going for, but... well. I guess you'll have to decide for yourself. Eventually.
Ugh. The writers' room for Grey's needs to switch its snacks or something. I can also write one line for a character that they endlessly repeat! Maybe I should be an excessively paid network television writer, too.
Was in Chicago for the weekend.
Anyway.
I was thinking that with moving into Dan's place, where the demands on the lone cable box are greatly amplified by the various male inhabitants with an addiction to the NBA, I could take advantage and, you know... watch less television. I was going to start now, as practice. Yet here I am, drinking a giant glass of Kendall-Jackson chardonnay, watching Grey's Anatomy, which I stopped liking two and a half seasons ago. At least Gossip Girl's a rerun.
In less shameful news, I'm currently reading an excellent biography of Nobel-winning postcolonialist master V. S. Naipaul. Oh, you aren't familiar with A House for Mr. Biswas? PITY.
I had an early flight from Chicago. On the way to the airport, I mentioned to Dan that I might purchase a neck pillow, because I'd been thinking about it for a while. Being a cheapass, that limited-use U-shaped neck pillow thing is a real anathema to me, and Dan, who is sensible in his spending, was noncommital.
I bought one.
It was amazing.
I'm moving in five days. I was having a lot of trouble selling my furniture on craigslist, so I finally made new, more enticing ads.
For the bed:
Full size mattress, box spring, frame (Williamsburg)
Reply to: sale-1008501066@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-26, 2:01PM EST
I know. Buying a mattress on craigslist is kind of weird. But I'm not selling you a mattress. I'm GIVING you a mattress. That's way more solid.
Why give away a perfectly fine mattress? Because after two years of sleeping on my boyfriend's mattress five to six nights a week, said boyfriend generously offered to share his mattress on a more permanent basis. Isn't that sweet? I move into his place on Saturday, and I really just want to get rid of all my shit. PLEASE. PLEASE come take my bed. It's never been peed in. It has no bed bugs. I don't eat there. I just don't need it, and getting it out of my hair is one less thing to deal with.
Deets: full size, wooden box spring, originally from Sleepy's two years ago, metal frame on wheels. Pretty basic, in pretty good condition. Although I think it's of "normal" firmness, others tell me it's a little bit on the softer side. You need to be able to transport it, and because craigslisters are kind of flaky about keeping appointments, you can't come "look at it." You can come GET it. Just send me an email.
FREE TV - 32" (Williamsburg)
Reply to: sale-1008481376@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-26, 1:52PM EST
I'm moving and don't need my TV anymore. It's 32 inches (I think), works fine, and has a good picture. You just have to come and get it. Preferably with an able-bodied friend. Two friends if you're scrawny-- it's pretty heavy. But hey, it's also free.
To answer frequently asked questions:
Yes, it is in good condition.
No, you cannot come and "look at it." You either want it or you don't. However, you can totally come and GET it.
It has to be picked up by Saturday.
The pic below should give you an idea of its size (also, if you're interested in the TV stand, the bookshelf, or the edge of that loveseat you see in the pic, they're all for sale. Just make an offer. I'm also trying to get rid of my bed).
S 2nd and Roebling in Williamsburg.
 |
I got the picture off of the craigslist posting for my apartment, which is apparently, in this economy, worth $2k per month (heheheHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha hehe... whew...)... my closetless cubby on Murder Row is not really worth that. Just sayin'.
Lastly, I picked up my glasses today. I guess I had to come off my pedestal of genetic perfection eventually. All my connection cords are at Dan's, so you'll have to wait for a picture. I'm not sure I achieved the geeky-sexy look I was going for, but... well. I guess you'll have to decide for yourself. Eventually.
Ugh. The writers' room for Grey's needs to switch its snacks or something. I can also write one line for a character that they endlessly repeat! Maybe I should be an excessively paid network television writer, too.
1.22.2009
And The Nominees Are...
The nominees are in.
Doesn't The Reader sound like absolutely the worst movie? I don't get it.
I'm rooting for Josh Brolin, Penelope Cruz, and Danny Boyle.
How boring.
1.20.2009
It's 12:03 And Still No Speech
This has to be the least productive workday that isn't Christmas Eve Day in the history of workdays.
Gotta Love Bravo's Counterprogramming
| 10:00 AM | THE WEST WING | WELCOME TO WHEREVER YOU ARE |
| 10:00 AM | THE WEST WING | WELCOME TO WHEREVER YOU ARE |
| 11:00 AM | THE WEST WING | ELECTION DAY |
| 12:00 PM | THE WEST WING | ELECTION DAY, PART II |
| 12:00 PM | THE WEST WING | ELECTION DAY, PART II |
| 01:00 PM | THE WEST WING | REQUIEM |
| 01:00 PM | THE WEST WING | REQUIEM |
| 02:00 PM | THE WEST WING | TRANSITION |
| 03:00 PM | THE WEST WING | THE LAST HURRAH |
| 04:00 PM | THE WEST WING | INSTITUTIONAL MEMORY |
| 05:00 PM | THE WEST WING | TOMORROW - SERIES FINALE |
John G. Roberts
I got so angry reading The Nine, a very well-researched book that (I think) unintentionally took all my faith from the judicial system. I had to skim the whole Bush v. Gore section (NINE PEOPLE SHOULD NOT GET TO PICK THE PRESIDENT), and was particularly incensed that Sandra Day O'Connor was so thrilled about John Roberts. First female justice my ass.
UGH. This is supposed to be a happy day. I am happy. Obama will probably not spit at John Roberts as Mr. Partisan Conservative Who Will Live Forever swears him in. Maybe a little "unintentional" spraying as he repeats the oath? Probably. I can live with that.
It's happening! It's happening so soon! My bitterness will evaporate with Obama's soothing dulcet tones. I promise. I can hardly wait.
Al Gore is walking in now. This must be so hard for him, but he looks happy. If Al can be happy, I can be happy. Yes. Good.
Babs And Jenna: First Brats No More
Dan's tried to convince me that the Bush twins are not necessarily awful people. Aw. Dan's such a nice person.
I am not. They suck.
Case in point would be the "open letter" that "they" wrote to Sasha and Malia in today's Wall Street Journal! You'd think that their heartwarming advice about remembering that their daddy is their daddy, not that guy in the SNL skit would warm my heart, but in typical Republican fashion, they sign off with a backbiting neg:
"Four years go by so fast."
Just four?
In your dreams, bitches.
1.19.2009
Au Revoir, Dillweed
It's the last night of the presidency of George W. Bush.
I can't believe it's been over eight years since I sat in the hallway of Pegram with Becky Myers and "Bear" D'Amico, listening to people's TVs as the network anchors waffled between Bush and Gore, or tore at my hair in Newark airport as Katherine Harris ratified Florida's votes for Dubya.
This presidency has made me pretend to be a Canadian abroad. (No one believed me: "You talk too fast). (Also, I'm never doing that again. It's a douchey thing to do. Traveling easily is one of the few things America doesn't trounce the rest of the world in; we should deal with it). This presidency has taught me that cronyism pays; that lies go unpunished; that term limits are actually kind of lame (you think Bush would've beaten Clinton?). I've learned over the past four years that half of America hates me because I eat arugula and get "theoretical." I've learned that when the Democrats take back Congress, they don't do a lot with it. I've clung to Jon Stewart and coastal-state living and felt ok that I don't have much in the way of investments, but tomorrow, it's time to start fresh.
The bubble may well burst inside of 30 days, but it's been a long road. I'm ready for change. I believe in you, Barack.
Good night, Mr. President.
I bet you don't sleep a wink.
1.15.2009
How Exciting!
This is what we saw out our office window today:
We have giant windows overlooking the Hudson at our office, so we saw the plane as it floated down the river. You could have sold tickets at the window. People were coming up from other floors to check our view. And no one was killed! Hoopla! Good work, pilot. Although... avoid those birds next time.
1.14.2009
Pop!
Dan's apartment, soon to be mine and Dan's and Ameet's and Justin's apartment, has a very nice TV. My apartment has one of those old-fashioned television sets. Like, something you would refer to as the TeeVee. It is very large and weighs a thousand pounds, and it's yours for fifty bucks if you want it. Seriously. I'll entertain any offer.
Dan's TV is one of my great luxuries. I love to go to his apartment after work, put water on to boil for whatever dinner I'm making, and kick back with some crappy televisual pleasure while I wait for him to get home. Tonight, for instance, I got back from my New York Cares orientation (I am a New Yorker who cares, apparently), ready to plop down and watch, most likely, an inevitable Top Chef marathon on Bravo. Then I remembered. Last night, Dan said, the TV went "pop." "'Pop goes the weasel?'" you ask. "No? No weasel? Perhaps 'Pop goes the picture, then. That's more popular nowadays." Yes. Dan's shiny toy has no picture. It's an LG. If you know what it is, please help.
All I can say is, I'm glad I already changed the address for my New Yorker subscription. I'm going to have to make this issue last.
Dan's TV is one of my great luxuries. I love to go to his apartment after work, put water on to boil for whatever dinner I'm making, and kick back with some crappy televisual pleasure while I wait for him to get home. Tonight, for instance, I got back from my New York Cares orientation (I am a New Yorker who cares, apparently), ready to plop down and watch, most likely, an inevitable Top Chef marathon on Bravo. Then I remembered. Last night, Dan said, the TV went "pop." "'Pop goes the weasel?'" you ask. "No? No weasel? Perhaps 'Pop goes the picture, then. That's more popular nowadays." Yes. Dan's shiny toy has no picture. It's an LG. If you know what it is, please help.
All I can say is, I'm glad I already changed the address for my New Yorker subscription. I'm going to have to make this issue last.
ARGHHHHH
From today's Times:
Disclaimer: I once considered getting Botox in my eyelids due to a 2-week spasm that I feared would never otherwise leave. Yes. It was so bad I considered INJECTING MY EYE with COW BOTULISM. But anyway. I HATE the fact that all those bitches in high school who would go off and tan for twelve minutes during their free periods are just going to Botox themselves in a few years, and all those wrinkles I smugly knew they were inflicting upon themselves will be paralyzed into oblivion. I also HATE those Botox commercials with a flying bouquet, wedding bells, and the phrase"Is there a better reason?" (or words to that effect), as if there weren't enough random, awful expectations of bridey types.*
I can't. I can't take a weird drug that will make my eyelashes grow but which also sounds like it might blind me. I do not want longer, lusher lashes to become the new standard to which non-Allergan users will never live up. DO NOT DO THIS TO ME, Allergan. COME ON. What's so wrong with being human-looking?
*I recently read Rebecca Mead's book about the commercialization of the American wedding, and it's really pretty terrible. Why? When did this expectation that you have to spend two-thirds of the average American annual salary on overcooked chicken dinners emerge? Also, where is the wedding dress rental business? Hint: you are not going to wear it again. Unfortunately, while Mead raises many of these questions, she didn't find that many answers. That's probably why the new, probably remaindered hard copy I got was $6. Although she did posit that society expects girls to turn into crazy bitches obsessed with coordinating napkin colors because there's now so little trauma in entering marriage these days, what with all the already living together and having your own job and probably not fearing the wedding night things, so the "trauma" of wedding planning replaces the trauma of entering marriage. I think she might be right, there.
1.13.2009
Schtuff
So I'm joining a new gym. It's time. The gym is pretty nice and 2 blocks from my office, in an old printing house! That's why it's called "Printing House." And they say New York is no longer a hotbed of creativity.
Hm. What else. Oh! I saw Olivia from The City at Whole Foods last week and she is very tiny and pretty, much like on the show. I'm so disappointed with The City, y'all. They hang out in four square blocks of the Meatpacking District, as if it's 2002, and somehow the blandness of it all that works so well on The Hills (which I DO NOT WATCH, and am so proud of myself for not watching. For realz). Best new show at the moment is, of course, Rock of Love Bus, which makes the women of the Laguna Beach franchise (can you believe how long ago Laguna Beach was? So crazy. I always thought it was a cool idea, this beautifully shot, candid pseudo-reality show, but I never thought it would spawn like, a cultural phenomenon) look like Gloria Steinem. And it's awesome.
Also, this article about oxytocin and love potions is pretty interesting. I now kind of know why dudes are so into boobies.
1.10.2009
Day Six: Kind of
Yeah, not really, because Dan and I went to Miranda last night and although I abstained from ordering their delicious, delicious arancini, I still dug into a chocolate semifreddo. Worth it. The restaurant was depressingly empty for such a good place. If you're looking for excellent Latin-Italian food with a steal of a prix-fixe menu in trendy Williamsburg (3 courses for $25; menu also available a la carte), it's the place go. We also recently (well, before Christmas) went to El Almacen, a new Argentinean place right by the Beford L, which had great food as well.
I had borscht for breakfast. Maybe I'll do a smoothie for lunch.
So, the move. I alluded to it earlier, but my lease is up at the end of this month, and as much as I like my cozy apartment located conveniently near the sites of several stabbings and murder-by-machete over the summer, I decided not to renew. The original plan was for Dan and I to get our own place, but for a couple of reasons we decided to hold off on that, and instead I'm moving into his place. Since he already has two roommates (who are both being awesome about the whole situation), it'll be like Four's Company, updated for the aughts. Basically:
I'm pretty excited. I am going to have to get rid of A LOT of stuff. All the random doo-dads, bits of paper with illegible phone numbers, half-used pens, my cupboards... I don't even want to think about the cupboards, all stuffed to the gills with tapioca pearls and cornstarch and six kinds of vinegar. Being in the austere mindset of detoxification should make purging easy, right? Because this afternoon, I'm going to be junking. A lot. Of stuff.
This is going to suck.
I had borscht for breakfast. Maybe I'll do a smoothie for lunch.
So, the move. I alluded to it earlier, but my lease is up at the end of this month, and as much as I like my cozy apartment located conveniently near the sites of several stabbings and murder-by-machete over the summer, I decided not to renew. The original plan was for Dan and I to get our own place, but for a couple of reasons we decided to hold off on that, and instead I'm moving into his place. Since he already has two roommates (who are both being awesome about the whole situation), it'll be like Four's Company, updated for the aughts. Basically:
I'm pretty excited. I am going to have to get rid of A LOT of stuff. All the random doo-dads, bits of paper with illegible phone numbers, half-used pens, my cupboards... I don't even want to think about the cupboards, all stuffed to the gills with tapioca pearls and cornstarch and six kinds of vinegar. Being in the austere mindset of detoxification should make purging easy, right? Because this afternoon, I'm going to be junking. A lot. Of stuff.
This is going to suck.
1.08.2009
Day Four: Whatevs
I included four tortellini in my lunch today. I think if I have just a nibble of carb it helps with the "feeling normal." I also had a few chips last night. Oops. BUT in my defense, it was far, far fewer chips than I would usually consume.
Anyway.
Today.
I had my smoothie.
I had my tea.
I had my lemon water.
I'm out of coconut water. Will buy more; the taste is growing on me.
I'm not exactly following the detox menus anymore, partially out of organization and partially because even without following them to a T, I've been eating far more healthfully than usual, and just eating healthfully has been pretty easy. Hopefully that'll be the lesson for the week that will stick for a while. With that plus exercise, I should still be able to shed some pounds, right?
Tomorrow:
7am (or upon rising): Glass of room temperature lemon water
8am: Herbal tea
10am (breakfast): Peach and Almond Smoothie (follow method for Blueberry and Almond Smoothie)
11:30am: Coconut water
1:30pm (lunch): Raw crudite (carrots, green beans, radishes, cucumbers, zucchini) with Carrot and Ginger Dressing
4pm (snack): Beet, Carrot, Apple and Ginger Juice
6pm (dinner): Cucumber and Avocado Soup
8am: Herbal tea
10am (breakfast): Peach and Almond Smoothie (follow method for Blueberry and Almond Smoothie)
11:30am: Coconut water
1:30pm (lunch): Raw crudite (carrots, green beans, radishes, cucumbers, zucchini) with Carrot and Ginger Dressing
4pm (snack): Beet, Carrot, Apple and Ginger Juice
6pm (dinner): Cucumber and Avocado Soup
I'll have some extra veggies instead of the juice. I think I can say, at this point in my life, that I am never buying a juicer.
Also, I just want to point out that Grace already lives and breathes this "whole food" thing. Check the way she fills that cart!
1.07.2009
Day Three: Relapse
Last night I got home with an all-over headache, the kind where small invisible elves have decided to tighten your skull from a random assortment of ever-changing parts of your head. Perhaps they have an endgame in this. Perhaps they're just bored. Whatever it was, I do not like those elves and hope that their gnome nemeses defeat them.
This was followed by shakiness and nausea. I didn't feel good. I was kidding about the withdrawal symptoms, guys! Not eating processed food isn't really the same as kicking, say, a ten-year alcohol dependence. But I really felt terrible.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Dan asked. He was very sympathetic, considering the self-inflicted nature of my condition. I had no good answer. Because I don't really like exercise?
So I ate a little bowl of tortellini. And felt immediately better.
I'm sticking with the plan, because I do want to eat way, way less processed food. But I'll be a little more liberal with the snacking.
Time for coconut water!
1.06.2009
Day Two: Gah
I have never wanted a bowl of tortellini so badly in my life. Do I really eat that much crap? I'm in withdrawal or something.
Day Two: SABOTAGE!
Someone left a giant bag of Doritos in the kitchen with a little sign that says "Help Yourself!"
There is a saboteur in my midst. I can feel it.
Time to drink some coconut water.
1.05.2009
Day One: Continued
Okay, getting ready for Day Two. I feel pretty good. It was strange to walk up 6th Ave., past all the absolutely delicious-smelling hummus and pizza places, and not feel all that tempted to walk in. Well, maybe a little tempted, but I really like the regimented nature of this plan. Maybe that's why things like South Beach never worked for me; they just presented too many choices and too many "you can have this but only a little" type things. This is like, 11:30: Bam. Coconut water. (To my Irish reader: I wouldn't worry if you can't find it. Just drink extra water, because I think it's on the plan as a hydration aid).
I did make a substitution, though! I know; I'm so bad. I made the broccoli and watercress soup over the weekend and brought it to Dan's, figuring I'd be eating dinner there, but I'm home. So I'm having miso soup with watercress and shitakes for dinner. And maybe a few green beans with the carrot dressing, because miso soup? Not so substantial. Whatever. It's fine.
So, tomorrow:
Breakfast: Smoothie (with protein this time)
When first get to work: Herbal tea
Snack: ...coconut water
Lunch: Detox Teriyaki (marinade has no soy or sugar) Chicken and Wilted Greens
Snack: Miso soup with watercress
Dinner: Broccoli and watercress soup (I am going to turn into a watercress leaf)
Have I turned into one of those anorexia bloggers posting pictures of Karen Carpenter for "thinspiration"? If so, please stop me. This just happens to be the most exciting story in my life right now, that's all. Much more exciting than moving into Dan's apartment in three weeks, right?
I did make a substitution, though! I know; I'm so bad. I made the broccoli and watercress soup over the weekend and brought it to Dan's, figuring I'd be eating dinner there, but I'm home. So I'm having miso soup with watercress and shitakes for dinner. And maybe a few green beans with the carrot dressing, because miso soup? Not so substantial. Whatever. It's fine.
So, tomorrow:
Breakfast: Smoothie (with protein this time)
When first get to work: Herbal tea
Snack: ...coconut water
Lunch: Detox Teriyaki (marinade has no soy or sugar) Chicken and Wilted Greens
Snack: Miso soup with watercress
Dinner: Broccoli and watercress soup (I am going to turn into a watercress leaf)
Have I turned into one of those anorexia bloggers posting pictures of Karen Carpenter for "thinspiration"? If so, please stop me. This just happens to be the most exciting story in my life right now, that's all. Much more exciting than moving into Dan's apartment in three weeks, right?
Detox Day One: Addendum
I know that Katie likes it after her time in Brazil, the land of coconut water, but is it an acquired taste or something? On the plus side, I sip it slooooowly.
Detox: Day One
First off, had a great weekend. The KP girls and I went to a newish, still-BYOB restaurant, and made no friends there, except perhaps our 1.5-to-1 bottle wine ratio. Then we met "Penelope," with whom Dan seemed to already have a familiarity.
Apparently he has a secret side job. We also watched a lot of Rome season two, which is very violent and sexy and awesome.
Ok, so. Detox. Day one. I've started. I feel slightly fuzzy and heavy-headed, which is strange because at this point, there hasn't been any real self-denial. I stopped drinking coffee a little more than two weeks ago, so that isn't it. I do usually start the day with a carb, though. Bagelsmith has mini-bagels, so I generally get those with lowfat veggie cream cheese and it's the perfect amount of food (also, cheap). So instead I had my handful of berries blended with almond milk, but now I'm realizing I forgot the protein powder and that could have something to do with my current sluggish state. It's ok. I can have coconut water at 11:30! That's pretty soon! Listen to what the Vita Coco people have to say:
Inside every young coconut is a refreshing electrolyte-replacing beverage that far surpasses every artificial sports drink. Vita Coco is fat-free and an excelletn source of potassium, manganese, and magnesium. In fact, this 100% pure life-enhancing beverage has also been proven to increase vitality, ease digestion, cure hangovers (!), and literally save people's lives.
So apparently I'll feel a lot better at 11:30.
1.02.2009
Detox: Day Minus 2 (Warm-Up)
I know you've all been biting your nails, wondering how I'll fare with my Gwyneth Detox. I am, too. So I'll just sit here, listen to a not-really-legally obtained Raconteurs album (thanks, Red!) and tell you all about the preparations.
I went to Whole Foods with a staggeringly long list: things I often eat (carrots, onions), self-righteously pretend to eat all the time (broccoli, watercress, whole food vegetables that are not the base of aromatic Italian sauces), have previously dismissed as froufy (agave syrup), or just have never wanted to buy AT ALL. I'm looking at you, almond milk, whey-fortified protein powder, and dried sea vegetables. I did decide that instead of spending $25 on miso soup ingredients, I would just purchase some miso soup in a box, though. Good work, me.
Here's the menu for Day One (I'm starting on Monday) (or maybe Sunday):
7am (or upon rising): Glass of room temperature lemon water
8am: Herbal tea
10am (breakfast): Blueberry and Almond Smoothie
11:30am: Coconut water*
1:30pm (lunch): Salad with Carrot and Ginger Dressing
4pm (snack): A handful of mixed pumpkin and sunflower seeds
6pm (dinner): Broccoli and Arugula Soup
*Make sure that the coconut water has no added sugar. Fresh is ideal but the brands Zico or Vita Coco are readily available.
Could you imagine drinking coconut water with added sugar? Egads!
I will make several modifications to this menu. Firstly, I don't think my coworkers would appreciate my blending smoothies at my desk, so I will have my liquid breakfast before 10am. Also, who gets up at 7am and doesn't eat until 10?* I'll also have to think of a substitute snack for coconut water. Sorry, GP.
Anyway. After lugging all this shite home from Whole Foods (which I thought would come out to millions of dollars but was actually about forty bucks. If that's all I spend on food and drink for a week, that's a a fucking steal) I decided to make a few things ahead of time and get acclimated to my new food friends.
Y'all, I hate to say it, but Gwyneth has a really good recipe ghost-writer. The carrot-ginger salad dressing is pretty awesome or, as Gwyneth puts it, "the jam." The soup, while not exactly screaming with flavor, isn't bad. And the smoothie... okay, the smoothie is a little weird. Like it had a chance, though. Almond milk? How do you milk an almond? And I will maintain throughout my lifetime that you can always, no matter what, taste the protein powder. But it's more than edible and I already feel like some kind of healthful paragon, who sitting on her floor with aligned posture, meditating every morning, rather than a schlub who's a little too attached to her DVR.
*Answer: duh, skinny people
I went to Whole Foods with a staggeringly long list: things I often eat (carrots, onions), self-righteously pretend to eat all the time (broccoli, watercress, whole food vegetables that are not the base of aromatic Italian sauces), have previously dismissed as froufy (agave syrup), or just have never wanted to buy AT ALL. I'm looking at you, almond milk, whey-fortified protein powder, and dried sea vegetables. I did decide that instead of spending $25 on miso soup ingredients, I would just purchase some miso soup in a box, though. Good work, me.
Here's the menu for Day One (I'm starting on Monday) (or maybe Sunday):
7am (or upon rising): Glass of room temperature lemon water
8am: Herbal tea
10am (breakfast): Blueberry and Almond Smoothie
11:30am: Coconut water*
1:30pm (lunch): Salad with Carrot and Ginger Dressing
4pm (snack): A handful of mixed pumpkin and sunflower seeds
6pm (dinner): Broccoli and Arugula Soup
*Make sure that the coconut water has no added sugar. Fresh is ideal but the brands Zico or Vita Coco are readily available.
Could you imagine drinking coconut water with added sugar? Egads!
I will make several modifications to this menu. Firstly, I don't think my coworkers would appreciate my blending smoothies at my desk, so I will have my liquid breakfast before 10am. Also, who gets up at 7am and doesn't eat until 10?* I'll also have to think of a substitute snack for coconut water. Sorry, GP.
Anyway. After lugging all this shite home from Whole Foods (which I thought would come out to millions of dollars but was actually about forty bucks. If that's all I spend on food and drink for a week, that's a a fucking steal) I decided to make a few things ahead of time and get acclimated to my new food friends.
Y'all, I hate to say it, but Gwyneth has a really good recipe ghost-writer. The carrot-ginger salad dressing is pretty awesome or, as Gwyneth puts it, "the jam." The soup, while not exactly screaming with flavor, isn't bad. And the smoothie... okay, the smoothie is a little weird. Like it had a chance, though. Almond milk? How do you milk an almond? And I will maintain throughout my lifetime that you can always, no matter what, taste the protein powder. But it's more than edible and I already feel like some kind of healthful paragon, who sitting on her floor with aligned posture, meditating every morning, rather than a schlub who's a little too attached to her DVR.
*Answer: duh, skinny people
1.01.2009
Happy New Year + GOOP
Dan and I are sitting here, watching Ace Ventura: Pet Detective after a spectacularly useless day. Oh, New Year's Day. I don't really know why we get off work for you, but whatever: thanks.
It was a pretty chill New Year's. We had a great meal at Kefi and then went to a party populated almost entirely by classical musicians. We were going to sing "Auld Lang Syne" at midnight, but there was a brawl over what key to play it in, and we barely escaped with our lives! Just kidding. I'm still waiting for a New Year's that can top the White Party. Dan and I met at the White Party! I can't believe it's been three years.
So the holidays are over. This was a great season, I think. There was no fighting. It snowed the appropriate amount. No one made me go ice skating (just kidding! I love ice skating!) (for the first ten minutes), and I got a handheld electric mixer from Santa. I also realized how fat I've become. I'll blame it on holiday cookies and endless cheese plates at my parents' house, but it's been coming for a year, really. So, starting Monday... I'm going to... oh lord. This is embarrassing.
I don't know if, when Gwyneth Paltrow launched her hilariously named website GOOP, you um... signed up for the newsletters?
Like I did?
Now every week, Gwyneth sends me serene advice from her spiritual guru friends and coaches me to buy YSL belts, as they "never go out of style." Does any belt go out of style? What can I say? I kind of enjoy escaping into her ridiculous newsletter. Gwyneth is telling me how to be just like her!
Okay. Deep down, I know that I cannot be Gwyneth Paltrow. She's taller than I am, and changing your height isn't really something you can self-improve on, even if you follow Oprah's Best Life Now Plan. Plus the whole international fame and millions-of-dollars thing and marriage to the Coldplay guy (ugh, kind of glad I dodged that bullet there, actually) is kind of a barrier. But that doesn't mean I can't do her seven-day detox, right? I can totally do her seven-day detox! DON'T JUDGE ME.
I'll let you know how it goes.
It was a pretty chill New Year's. We had a great meal at Kefi and then went to a party populated almost entirely by classical musicians. We were going to sing "Auld Lang Syne" at midnight, but there was a brawl over what key to play it in, and we barely escaped with our lives! Just kidding. I'm still waiting for a New Year's that can top the White Party. Dan and I met at the White Party! I can't believe it's been three years.
So the holidays are over. This was a great season, I think. There was no fighting. It snowed the appropriate amount. No one made me go ice skating (just kidding! I love ice skating!) (for the first ten minutes), and I got a handheld electric mixer from Santa. I also realized how fat I've become. I'll blame it on holiday cookies and endless cheese plates at my parents' house, but it's been coming for a year, really. So, starting Monday... I'm going to... oh lord. This is embarrassing.
I don't know if, when Gwyneth Paltrow launched her hilariously named website GOOP, you um... signed up for the newsletters?
Like I did?
Now every week, Gwyneth sends me serene advice from her spiritual guru friends and coaches me to buy YSL belts, as they "never go out of style." Does any belt go out of style? What can I say? I kind of enjoy escaping into her ridiculous newsletter. Gwyneth is telling me how to be just like her!
Okay. Deep down, I know that I cannot be Gwyneth Paltrow. She's taller than I am, and changing your height isn't really something you can self-improve on, even if you follow Oprah's Best Life Now Plan. Plus the whole international fame and millions-of-dollars thing and marriage to the Coldplay guy (ugh, kind of glad I dodged that bullet there, actually) is kind of a barrier. But that doesn't mean I can't do her seven-day detox, right? I can totally do her seven-day detox! DON'T JUDGE ME.
I'll let you know how it goes.
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